I’m so over one of my classes already,

which is bad because I barely started school 2 weeks ago.

It’s really ironic how I was born on Christmas Day,
I say that because out of all my family I’m probably the one who has less Christmas spirit.
I even changed religions, I guess that should say something.
I do miss the days when I was a little girl and I used to love it though.

Sometimes I still miss you…
I miss the way we used to spend almost every day with each other
The random texts you sent me telling me something funny, or how you were sad because your mom said something to you again, or how you were mad at your boyfriend for a reason.
I remember how much fun we had laughing at the most stupid things ever,
also how one of our favorite things doing together was eating at restaurants and going shopping for clothes.
You used to think things I liked we weird but nevertheless you cheered me on when I wasn’t sure of something.
But in the end we both changed, and we had to take 2 different paths, that’s just how life is, but I’m glad we got to be friends.

I have to make a sand Mandala for my Buddhism class,
I’m actually really excited about this
hopefully I will do a good job.
I’m glad I took this class, it’s my favorite class and it makes me look forward to school.
Today we meditated together for 5 minutes and then we started class, it’s so different from any class I’ve ever taken, I love it.

So I’m about to leave to school, I’m a bit nervous because I know being in a big University is going to be different than being in a Community College,
and I’m also probably going to get lost trying to find my classes haha.
Wish me luck!

First day of school, new University, woke up right now at 6am,
I’ve never been so tired in my life.

This sorrow is never ending…the smiles and laughs always have a drop of it.
Trying to get rid of the hole that it’s re-digging is not working right now,
the tears won’t fill it or drown it.

I really really hate the way my mom pretends to be fine with things but once she gets angry she starts saying what she really feels being all hypocritical.
I also hate how my brother can do no wrongs in this house and everything I do is wrong, I understand my brother is younger than me but if I would have done a lot of the things he does when I was his age all hell would have gone loose.
And then she wonders why I want to move out of the house…

Sometimes I think my use of smilies makes whatever I say seem not serious, but if I don’t use them then I think I sound too serious…

“Why don’t you text me anymore?”
maybe because I’m tired of being the one who always texts you first,
or because of the short replies I get back from you,
you not even trying makes me not want to text you
also getting angry or jealous because I have other friends who I want to hangout with besides you makes me not want to text you,
it’s also hypocritical on your part because when you go out with your other friends you don’t even remember me.
It wouldn’t be fair if I said there isn’t good parts to you, because you there is, that’s why we are friends in the first place,
but recently I can’t help but feel a litte dislike when I think about you,
you’ve been my friend for a long while and I don’t want to feel like this about you, I’ll just hope this feeling goes away,
but maybe next time you should be the one who texts first…